Why We've Decided to Organize 

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle) 04/16/2015 at 16:48 • Filed to: Labor, Unions, Jobs, Socialism, Gawker Mad Libs, sexy sexy moderators, Satire

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Some of us on the Oppositelock editorial staff have decided to try to unionize. Here's a brief explanation.

I will say first of all that I'd prefer not to be writing this story yet, because the organizing effort is still in the early stages. It would be easier to have this conversation internally. But Jalopnik is, for better or worse, a company with a rich history of gossip. Yesterday, a large group of editorial staffers representing Oppositelock met with union organizers at the Writers Guild in Sacramento. When a few dozen people know something, everyone here knows it. We also have that whole "don't be a dick" ethos that demands that we maintain decorum. I've been informed that the union effort is going to be discussed at our weekly "all mods" meeting today, and Brian, Oppositelock's editorial director, and Brian, Oppositelock's historian, encouraged me to write something about it first. So here it is.

Generally speaking, Oppositelock is a very good place to work. So why do we want to unionize? I cannot speak for everyone, but for me, these are the motivations:

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . A union is the only real mechanism that exists to represent the interests of employees in a company. A union is also the only real mechanism that enables moderators to join together to bargain collectively, rather than as a bunch of separate, powerless entities. This is useful in good times (which our blog enjoys now), and even more in bad times (which will inevitably come).

Though our blog is relatively well run and treats its moderators relatively well, there are still certain issues that many moderators would like to see addressed. We would like to ensure everyone receives a salary that is fair for their time at the company and the work they do. Or any salary really. We would like to ensure that things like pay and raises are set in a fair, transparent, and unbiased way. We would like to have some basic mechanism for giving moderators a voice in the decisions that affect all of us here.

There was a time when much of the media was unionized. As journalism has moved online and flourished over the past 20 years or so, union workplaces have become much more rare in our industry. Oppositelock would be the first major online media company to organize. That is something that everyone at this blog—moderators, authors, and shitposters alike—could be proud of. There are plenty of blogs in this industry whose moderators could desperately use the help of a union. If we can show that it's possible, I hope that a positive precedent will be set.

There is already a great deal of interest in this idea among blog moderators (and they are all more than capable of speaking for themselves, and I'm sure that they will). The final shape that the union might take, and who exactly will be in it, and what specific goals it will pursue all remain to be seen. But after our meeting last night I am optimistic, and incredibly impressed with the unity displayed by a diverse group of employees. Nobody is seeking to hurt this company, or plunder it for all it's worth, or find a way to attack the people that run it. For that he will be punished. We're just trying to make it a bit more functional, and a bit more fair.

The online media industry makes real money. It's now possible to find a career in this industry, rather than just a fleeting job. An organized work force is part of growing up. I fully expect that Oppositelock will emerge from this experience stronger than it has ever been.

For everyone.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:53

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Would this make people who do things "on behalf of the mods" technically scabs?

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:53

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Approves

Chris Clarke > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:53

5

can you tag this Gawker Mad Libs?

nobody > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:54

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Nobody is seeking to hurt this company [lol, company], or plunder it for all it's worth, or find a way to attack the people that run it.

You caught me! My plan is ruined!

Justin Hughes > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:54

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Am I an author, or a shitposter? I'm unclear on my category and what pay scale I fall into.

For Sweden > Chris Clarke 04/16/2015 at 15:54

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You're officially management, so no.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:55

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Wut

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:55

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Is this about your moderator check? I told you that they just got the addresses wrong and that I would have them change it as soon as they could.

ly2v8-Brian > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:57

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As long as nothing changes to content, do whatever the heck you want.

Also, Brian is a fitting name for a leader.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:58

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With this effect the status of the Jalopnik Gold membership?

RallyWrench > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:58

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As long as Brian, Oppositelock's official SR71 pilot is on board, I'm good.

*please don't ban me for that, I'll never bring it up again, I swear!

For Sweden > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 04/16/2015 at 15:58

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Gold is a class system and must be opposed.

Sn210 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 15:58

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Will my Jalopnik Gold subscription automatically enroll me in the Oppo-Union?

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:00

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Will union members perhaps have some sort of star added to the lower corner of their avatar in order to distinguish them from the other members?

Just something new I thought we could maybe try?

Tareim - V8 powered > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:01

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wait a minute, am I missing something here, do the mods really get paid for oppo? I always thought of it as a community driven offshoot of journalism page with some people offering their time to make sure it doesn't go up in flames

PS9 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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As soon as I saw the real unionizing article on Gawker, I knew this would happen and that you'd be the primary force behind it.

Godspeed.

itschrome > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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thebigbossyboss > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *GASPS*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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Does this mean we'll finally get our dental plan?

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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I just got my Oppo sticker, but I'm not in the US and as such can't be in a union in the US.. does this mean I must burn my sticker?

Tareim - V8 powered > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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Would that be with some form of lock?

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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Am I the only one that always thought of Oppo as more of a forum, in which anyone can post and there were just a few mods keeping people in line, and not as like an actual job? Maybe this is just news to me..........you get a paycheck from Oppo?

At any rate, good luck. This is a fun/cool place to have.

HammerheadFistpunch > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 04/16/2015 at 16:02

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Your cards will come in the mail after you have paid your dues.

Gamecat235 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:03

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Stop calling me Brian!

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:03

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So are unions.

For Sweden > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/16/2015 at 16:04

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Your dissent has been cataloged.

Short-throw Granny Shifter is 2 #blessed 2b stressed > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:04

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Since when do you guys get paid? I just thought the big-wigs up a Jalopnik just gave you guys a couple of lanyards and a spin in Demuro's Ferrari every once in a while.

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > PS9 04/16/2015 at 16:04

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God damnit, he got me.........

BrtStlnd > StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 04/16/2015 at 16:05

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Yes, I get a royalty check from oppo any time part of my name is used in the headline.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:05

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Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:06

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Dissent is what I do best.

Party-vi > Gamecat235 04/16/2015 at 16:06

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Shut up, Brian.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 16:06

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I bet you're pretty rich by now then.

HammerheadFistpunch > StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 04/16/2015 at 16:07

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"We would like to ensure everyone receives a salary that is fair for their time at the company and the work they do. Or any salary really."

BrtStlnd > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 04/16/2015 at 16:07

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Yes.

HammerheadFistpunch > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 16:07

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what is it now, $.15 a day for any form of brt?

HammerheadFistpunch > Tareim - V8 powered 04/16/2015 at 16:07

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"We would like to ensure everyone receives a salary that is fair for their time at the company and the work they do. Or any salary really."

HammerheadFistpunch > CalzoneGolem 04/16/2015 at 16:09

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We lost it in exchange for 2 jack stands and 30 more characters for use in your username.

Party-vi > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:09

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Hey after you're done sifting through the comments let me know how many black hoods and zip ties to order. Also will a dozen 55 gallon steel drums work or do you think we'll need more?

BrtStlnd > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:09

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That was the initial rate but my agent negotiated better terms.

crown victor victoria > Party-vi 04/16/2015 at 16:10

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Did someone say Brian? My name is also Brian.

Tareim - V8 powered > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:11

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the whole piece read slightly satirically for me so wasn't sure if that was a tongue in cheek comment or not

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 16:11

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Well that just makes sense.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:13

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Notbad.jpg

HammerheadFistpunch > Tareim - V8 powered 04/16/2015 at 16:14

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yeah, it took me a good couple of minutes too. As a moderator I would be remiss, however, if i didn't take this moment to shake the tip jar a little. I would like to retire sometime.

/notserious

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Tareim - V8 powered 04/16/2015 at 16:14

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Hot tip of the day, anything written by For Sweden should be taken with a grain of salt (well, a whole bag really ;) ).

Gamecat235 > Tareim - V8 powered 04/16/2015 at 16:14

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That part was completely non-satirically inspired.

CalzoneGolem > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:14

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Wait ... what weight limit are the stands rated for and can I borrow them this weekend?

HammerheadFistpunch > CalzoneGolem 04/16/2015 at 16:16

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They are 3 ton, but the safety pin is missing on one of them, you can come by, just tell the old lady I said its fine.

CalzoneGolem > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:17

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Awesome!

Funktheduck > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:17

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Well, there goes Oppo. Everyone knows once places get unionized the work gets sent off to other low wage countries. It was nice while it lasted.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:18

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I wouldn't say *every* workplace needs a union. But from what I've read, the media industry, particularly the online portion of it, is in dire need of more unionization... especially with all I've read about unpaid 'internshits'.

In Canada, there has been a crackdown on unpaid internships because they basically violate labour laws.

Having internships that are unpaid is something that needs to stop. The closest thing that should be unpaid would be if someone starts out their own blog or site and are thus, self-employed.

HammerheadFistpunch > Short-throw Granny Shifter is 2 #blessed 2b stressed 04/16/2015 at 16:18

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They are giving out lanyards?!

nermal > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:22

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Ugh. Skimming thru that was exhausting. Time for some passive-aggressive coffee.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:22

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Brian, The Life of > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 16:22

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Wait. I thought we negociated Bagel Fridays, too!

HammerheadFistpunch > Brian, The Life of 04/16/2015 at 16:23

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oh thats right! its good to be a union.

Brian, The Life of > Party-vi 04/16/2015 at 16:23

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Huh?

itschrome > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:24

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Brian, The Life of > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:25

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Waitwaitwait ... Which Brian am I again? I need to order business cards.

Fred Smith > CalzoneGolem 04/16/2015 at 16:25

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Gamecat needs braces

EL_ULY > Fred Smith 04/16/2015 at 16:30

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dental plan

For Sweden > Party-vi 04/16/2015 at 16:32

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I think 42 gallon drums should be adequate.

CB > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:38

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At what point are we allowed to start calling each other Comrade? Do we get matching hats?

Gamecat235 > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 16:43

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What are you going to do with 42 one gallon drums? Are you one of those street performers?

For Sweden > Gamecat235 04/16/2015 at 16:45

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No, it's just that our opponents are short.

TheHondaBro > CalzoneGolem 04/16/2015 at 16:47

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Yeah, I really don't want my healthcare covered by Kinja.

TheHondaBro > crown victor victoria 04/16/2015 at 16:47

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OKAY, WHO ON OPPO ISN'T BRIAN??

Future next gen S2000 owner > Tareim - V8 powered 04/16/2015 at 16:48

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I think that is Swedish humor/sarcasm coming through. My detection levels aren't as honed in as my wife's, I haven't spent enough in Sweden yet.

TheHondaBro > Gamecat235 04/16/2015 at 16:49

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I think it's one of those Led Zeppelin's I've been hearing so much about.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > TheHondaBro 04/16/2015 at 16:57

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ME.. I'm Andrew.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > HammerheadFistpunch 04/16/2015 at 17:09

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you need to check your moderator privilege. This is the 21st century for Christ's indeterminate deity's sake

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Brian, The Life of 04/16/2015 at 17:10

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Only oversteered ones.

Day old bagels were off the table long ago

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Fred Smith 04/16/2015 at 17:10

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And beer goggles

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Gamecat235 04/16/2015 at 17:13

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We're negotiating for thirsty Friday afternoon beers.... Just like in Germany.

That should calm you down!

Axel-Ripper > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 17:13

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Union dues go towards pizza Fridays.

Herr Quattro - Has a 4-Motion > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 17:16

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I wanted to become a Mod/Admin eventually... But I didn't realise it was an actual job. I thought it was just a couple long term readers who had the time to mod/admin on the side... I had no idea this was a job.

I no longer want to be a mod/admin, as 1) I'm 16 2) I have other aspirations 3) Having to deal with people's BS without even getting the recognition of being a writer...

I think I'll just stick to my goal of getting a post on the front page...

Jcarr > Fred Smith 04/16/2015 at 17:23

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Tom McParland > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 17:31

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Damn...I should have stayed on Oppo.

Frank Grimes > CalzoneGolem 04/16/2015 at 17:35

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lisa needs braces.

Frank Grimes > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 17:35

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Cna I have a job?

here is my resume:

-I used to have a gold star.

For Sweden > Tom McParland 04/16/2015 at 17:36

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You may still march with us.

Hooker > TheHondaBro 04/16/2015 at 17:38

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I'm Hooker. No, really, my name is Kevin Hooker.

Dr_Watson > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 04/16/2015 at 17:45

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looks like he's about to say "Aliens..."

Brian, The Life of > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 17:49

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How much to add the fucking vowels?

Andrew T. Maness > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 17:49

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Does this mean we'll get cold brew in the break room instead of Folgers?

Brian, The Life of > Herr Quattro - Has a 4-Motion 04/16/2015 at 17:56

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I think I'll just stick to my goal of getting a post on the front page...

Way to shoot for the stars, son.

Raphael Orlove > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 18:02

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TEIM TO MOVE TO SACTOWN

Stef Schrader > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 18:03

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Every workplace could use a union .

Hahahahaha. That's brilliance, right there.

BrtStlnd > Brian, The Life of 04/16/2015 at 18:06

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Consonants are for closers.

Brian, The Life of > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 18:11

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Fine. If you don't want to maximise value (communist), I'll just keep calling you "Bort" in my head.

For Sweden > Stef Schrader 04/16/2015 at 18:12

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Doesn't that look like a more fun work environment?

McMike > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 18:37

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There's only one union we're willing to accept.

boxrocket > StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 04/16/2015 at 18:44

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You mean you don't get a paycheck? It's the only reason I can be bothered to post!

BrtStlnd > Brian, The Life of 04/16/2015 at 19:05

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Paul jones told me he reads it as "bertleshroud" in his head.

Gamecat235 > BrtStlnd 04/16/2015 at 19:16

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I just figured the Stlnd was silent.

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 04/16/2015 at 20:50

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I make $8000 a week from home or while driving my new BMW, typing inane comments random articles.

Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) > For Sweden 04/16/2015 at 21:38

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Some of us on the Funbags editorial staff have decided to try to unionize. Here's a brief explanation.

I will say first of all that I'd prefer not to be writing this story yet, because the organizing effort is still in the A-cup stages. It would be easier to have this conversation internally. But Oppositelock is, for better or worse, a company with a rich history of titties. Yesterday, a large group of editorial staffers representing Funbags met with union organizers at the NSFW Guild in Sacramento. When a few dozen people know something, everyone here knows it. We also have that whole "don't post NSFW" ethos that demands that we maintain zero boobies. I've been informed that the union effort is going to be discussed at our weekly "all jugs" meeting today, and Party-vi, Funbags' Wet Shirts director, and Milky, Funbags' historian, encouraged me to write something about it first. So here it is.

Generally speaking, Funbags is a very good place to work. So why do we want to unionize? I cannot speak for everyone, but for me, these are the motivations:

Every workplace could use a cleavage . A union is the only real mechanism that exists to represent the interests of cleavage in a company. A union is also the only real mechanism that enables editors to join together to bargain collectively, rather than as a bunch of separate, powerless entitties. This is useful in good times (lots of cleavage and sideboobs), and even more in bad times (Cami Secret).

Though our blog is relatively well run and treats its editors relatively well, there are still certain issues that many editors would like to see addressed. We would like to ensure everyone receives a salary that is fair for their time at the company and the work they do. Or any salary really. We would like to ensure that things like pay and raises are set in a fair, transparent, and unbiased way. We would like to have some basic mechanism for giving editors a voice in the decisions that affect all of us here.

There was a time when much of the media was unionized. As journalism has moved online and flourished over the past 20 years or so, union workplaces have become much more rare in our industry. Funbags would be the first major breasts media company to organize. That is something that everyone at this blog—editors, authors, and tiddy-posters alike—could be proud of. There are plenty of blogs in this industry whose editors could desperately use the help of a union. If we can show that it's possible, I hope that a positive precedent will be set.

There is already a great deal of interest in this idea among blog editors (and they are all more than capable of speaking for sideboobs, and I'm sure that they will). The final shape that the union might take, and who exactly will be in it, and what specific boobs it will pursue all remain to be seen. But after our meeting last night I am optimistic, and incredibly impressed with the unity displayed by a diverse group of employees. Nobody is seeking to hurt this company, or plunder it for all it's worth, or find a way to attack the people that run it. For that he will be punished. We're just trying to make boobies a bit more functional, and a bit more fair.

The online titty industry makes real money. It's now possible to find a career in this industry, rather than just a fleeting job. An organized work force is part of growing up. I fully expect that Funbags will emerge from this experience stronger than it has ever been.

For everyone.

CalzoneGolem > Frank Grimes 04/17/2015 at 07:58

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dental plan